Tango Types (II): The Tangueras

In this installment, and by popular demand, we present the second part of our Taxonomy of Tango Types, devoted to those Tangueras we see at the Milongas--the ones who sit next to us, the ones whom we watch dance, and the ones who dance us in so many, many unforeseen ways..., sometimes even outside the dance floor. I'll admit that, aside from the views that, as followers and fellow-females, Ms. DF and I may have on the Tanguera Types, the selection below also reflects a wealth of information compiled at lengthy discussions with my closest Tanguero Friends. And finally, I have to clarify that the earlier caveat applies: any strong similarities between the Types presented here and the people you know so well, is purely coincidental ;)

Section I: The Bitches

I.1 The Real Hot-Shot Bitch

OK. So here it is-- I will admit to the fact that there may be some Real Hot-Shot Bitches dancing around in the Milongas: the mirror image of the "Real-Hot-Shot Jerk". This type includes all those dancers who deserve significant recognition given their amazing dancing skills, style and grace... but who have just become nasty and picky as hell, and won't ever, ever dance with any leader with Tango-abilities below to what they consider to be their level, for fear (admitedly, very often justified...) that the leader will make them "look bad". The problem, again, is not the decision per se--but the bitchiness with which they reject the leaders' offers, or with which they stop dancing in the middle of a tanda when they are not sufficiently happy with it.

With all this said, I'll venture a daring claim: according to my own perception, the share that the Real Hot-Shot Bitches represent in the total population of Hot-Shot Tangueras is smaller than the share of Real Hot-Shot Jerks in the total population of Hot-Shot Tangueros. Really: I can think of a much larger number of excellent teachers and top-follows who I have seen dancing with "unknown" leaders at Festivals and common Milongas, compared to the number of Hot-Shot Tangueros venturing out of their "circle of trust". Whether this is because there are just fewer Hot-Shot Tangueros, and so Hot-Shot Tangueras just cannot afford to be as nasty, or because females just have more tolerance for risk continues to be a mystery to me...

Female advice: Dear Real-Hot-Shot-Bitches, if you are going to say "no, thanks", (which you have a right to do), please consider being sweeter about it...

I.2 The Wannabe Hot-Shot Bitch

Oh, the memories of the Wannabe Hot-Shot Bitch! She does not only want to be considered a top Tango dancer--she also wants to be in the cool clique no matter what, hanging out with as many Teachers and Hot Shots as humanly possible. She tends to be pretty, in shape, and is clearly a shameless go-getter, and will do whatever it takes to break into any circle, as part of her quest to mutate ASAP into the double of Geraldine. The end target is to remain sufficiently close to the "in" crowd, so that she can actually be invited to teach or perform at a Milonga (preferably during a Festival) with some Hot-Shot Leader, to solidify her reputation as a Hot-Shot; more often that not, she succeeds, because she knows how to try...

At the end of the day, I have to give some credit to the Wannabe-Hot-Shot Bitch. While in reality she may not be that good, she is, for one thing, damn sure about herself. Actually, she obviously truly believes she is better than she is (and than pretty much every other follow in her community), and with this, she gets the adrenaline to market herself, and manages to convince others (or at least the relevant people) of the same thing, and move ahead. Hummmm. Definitely, there is a lesson to be learned there...

Female advice: Dear Wannabe: nothing wrong with having high aspirations. Just make sure to stop trying to step on other people as you climb up...

I.3 The Chaser

Well, let's face it. Excluding from BA, there is no much Cabeceo going on at the Milongas worlwide. Both in the US, and in Europe, Leaders usually approach the Follows to invite them to dance. And, depending on cultural backgrounds, some Follows may also be more prone than others to dare to invite a Leader for a dance... particularly in situations in which the gender ratio at a Milonga is too unbalanced. At the extreme of these "more daring" follows, we have the Chasers... those who literally become the shadow of the leaders they want to trap. They may ask them for a dance... and the leader may invent a suitable excuse to say "later". And much on the spirit of the Baby-Sitter Jerk, the Chaser just hangs around her victim until he gives in.

Female advice: Dear Chaser: Please, think long-term. You won't get too far by asphyxiating a leader into dancing with you today, if he's just going to escape from you tomorrow, and the day after. Invest in your tango skills so that the leaders want to ask *you*. I mean, in the end, do you really want just a bunch of Charity Dances?

Section II: The Rest of the Tangueras

II.1 The Hanger

Dear Follows: you have no idea how many Tangueros complain extremely bitterly about the Tangueras who hang from them during the dance, literally making them finish their tanda with terrible shoulder and back pain. This is a basic in Tango technique for followers: don't huntch, don't hang, take responsibility for the position and balance of your body during the dance--milonguero style or nuevo, the leader is not there to carry you around as if you were a sack of potatoes, my dears. If you listen to me, I promise you many, many more happy tandas!

II. 2 The Eager-Beginner

Eager-Beginner is taking this project of learning Argentine Tango with a lot of energy. She has just started a few lessons, and she is already mentally prepared to go to the Milongas. Sometimes, Eager Beginner sits for just way too long at some of these events--nobody knows her yet, nobody asks her to dance. But tonight, Aspiring Teacher has come to the Milonga! Once his radar detects this pretty and young girl who has just bought her first pair of Comme-Il-Fauts, he knows this is his night! And how not??? Eager-Beginner is there, sitting, all ready to demonstrate that she's really improving fast to the whole Tanguero population. Aspiring Teacher (and suddenly Aspiring Chicho) will try on her every move on Earth, Tango and non-Tango: ganchos, boleos, jumps, piernazo attempts, enrosques, and even having the Eager-Beginner do splits on the floor (seriously, I saw an Eager-Beginner do at leat two gymnastic splits while dancing to D'Arienzo in a milonga at the DC Tango Marathon last Thursday!).

Female Advice: Eager-Begginer, listen, this is not about your ability to dance. You are probably going to be great, because you have the genes (I mean, look at that flexibility and balance you already have!!)... but give yourself some time. Really, learning Tango well, takes time. And it also takes recognizing (and running away from) the leaders who are idiotic enough to get you injured on the dance floor. Do yourself a favor, and take it slowly. I promise you, it will pay off :)

II.3 The Adornista

Some Eager-Beginners never slow down. Sometimes, they develop into Adornistas, as they keep perfecting the many fantastic moves and adornos that the Aspiring Teachers have taught them to believe conform Tango. The Adornistas are actually truly fascinated with themselves. As they gather control and balance, and understand the music better, they discover a world of endless opportunities for self-expression, and throw into the dance all kinds of elegant (and not so elegant) adornos, over and over again: the leg-rubs-leg, the hand-rubs-his-hair, the hand-rubs-hand, the shoe-rubs-floor..., driving the good leaders nuts.

Female Advice: Dear Adornista: You have the spirit and the fire in you... and that is great. But as everything in life, those adornos are precisely that: the icing on the cake, not the cake. They are the accent, not the word, nor the sentence. Learn how to use them wisely... and really shine.

II.4 The Leader

We love Tango, we want to dance, we go to the Milonga, and hey..! Wait a second! Where are the Tangueros??? Why are there only three beginners and the (female) DJ in the whole Milonga??? Oh, No...! What about all of us, experienced Follows? Are we just to sit around, praying for more leaders to arrive? Or should we leave and go listen to D'Arienzo in our iPods at home?

And so comes female freedom.. and the woman who can feel the Tango music, and express it as a leader, enjoying a completely different, and fulfilling dimension of the dance...

II.5 The Tango Barbie-Doll

Sweet doll. Pretty dress, long hair, long eyelashes, long legs, big boobs. A lot of lipstick. She comes in all varieties to play around: the Blond Tango Barbie, the Latin Tango Barbie, the Far-East-Asia Tango Barbie, the Middle-Eastern Tango Barbie... Extra features: automatic smile; push a button and she'll cutely celebrate the mistakes you make when you lead her. Upgraded model who actually can dance is available, but in high demand, and must be ordered in advance from Toys-R-Us.

Female commentary: Hum. Is Tango Ken available???

II.7 The Born-DJ

Thank God for those Tangueras who, aside from being excellent dancers, are also Born-DJ's!!! Some of them, will play for us in big Festivals and make our times a pleasure (like Shorey, Yulia and Yesim); some others (and you know who you are) will play for us more privately, in small milongas and practicas, and make us feel cared for.

II.8 The Ray of Light

There are some sunny Tangueras who will always have a smile in their faces, a light in their eyes, and a brightness to them. They are kind to all, optimistic always, whether they are sitting, whether they are dancing with a beginner, whether they are having the most blessed tanda with a Nice Tango-Shot. Some of them may have better technique or musicality than others--differences so subtle to me, since I don't lead--all I know is that Tangueros *love* them. And it is not difficult to see why.

Female commentary: I want to be like them, when I grow up.

II.9 The Shy Girl

This is the female version of the Quiet Tanguero: the Tanguera who remains aside--who is a quiet beauty, very bright, extremely sweet, and often a truly great dancer... but it is also the one who you can only get to know and whose Tango-dancing skills you can only appreciate once you give her the opportunity and ask her to the dance floor.

Female commentary: Dear Tangueros, take your chances. You may win so much from asking the Shy Girl to dance a tanda!

II.10 The Lady

We have all come to a Milonga at some point and met an elderly lady who was a true Tanguera--she may have learned in BAs years ago, when she was growing up, and now she keeps on dancing her Tango, with her heart out in the dance floor. Or maybe she has never been to Argentina, but somehow, in her older years, Tango has touched her and given her new life.

Female Commentary: These are the Tangueras who are truly young.

II.11 The Independent Mind

Leaders, many of you really don't like The Independent Mind-Tanguera, because she pretty much dances with herself, instead of dancing with you. If not a very experienced dancer, she'll just do whatever she pleases... driving you into diverse stages of frustration at the lack of connection becomes more evident. But it can also happen with more experienced dancers, especially when dancing with less experienced Leaders... who choose to back-lead them because they are not satisfied with their musicality or interpretation.

Female Advise: Dear Independent Mind: C'mon, give your Leader a chance... and consider that it might be better to not dance at all, than to dance a disconnected Tango...

II.12 The Relationship-Committed

There is not much to say about the Relationship Committed Tanguera. She might be the greatest dancer, but since she only dances with her boyfriend/husband/significant other, there is just no way to find out...

Female Advice: Dear Relationship-Committed: there is much to win from venturing into the real world. Plus, have you heard about risk-hedging?

II.14 The Perfect Follow

The Perfect Follow is an intriguing kind to me. All the leaders I know praise her non-stop. "She is fantastic" "She fixes you, when you are dancing" "She has an amazing connection" "It is how she feels"... that's all I get when I ask what makes her so good. Well, sorry, guys, I still don't understand. She looks very smooth and musical, and she is great as a person... but from the outside it is not obvious why she is just so perfect as a Follow..., and yet, I know I need to know...

Female Commentary: Another reason to learn how to lead...

II.15 The Nice Hot Shot

She is sweet. She dances with everyone. She is sexy, she is beautiful, she's stunning. She is musical.

Female Commentary: Dear Tangueros, lucky you! Enjoy!